Do any of you struggle with change? I know I do. One thing that is a pretty large issue among my siblings and me right now is our grandmother, Gladys. She is 81, lives on a big farm alone, has many friends that check in on her and are nearby to help out with something that the four of us may not be able to and overall is a healthy woman. BUT (isn't there almost always on of those?) she has recently started to really show her age and it's sad and scary all at the same time. My mom passed away a little less than 15 years ago, my poppa has been gone for a while too, and the only living nuclear relative is an uncle who isn't on speaking terms with Gran. So my brothers, sister and I have taken the children's role in this very interesting and horribly sad scenario. (We have a couple of cousins who live in North Carolina, but they aren't really in the picture b/c of the strain from the relationship b/t Gran and their dad.)
Our big question right now is what to do if or when Gran gets to the point that she isn't safe living by herself anymore. She has had a couple of really bad falls lately and her house is to the point that I can't hardly stand to be inside b/c it's so dirty and crammed w/ stuff that she has accumulated over her lifetime. She doesn't bathe on a regular basis, she's depressed quite often about things that she has no control over, and is really into the Death and Dying stage of life. It's hard from a granddaughter's point of view, it's hard from a humane point of view ~ it's just hard period! We all love her dearly, but we also know that if she was to move in w/ anyone it would cause a lot (immeasurable, gargantuan sized) of tension and stress. I know taking a person from their home radically speeds up the death process, and she shows no interest whats-so-ever in having a roommate there. She is a difficult person to live with and to be around for more than a day or two. My sister equates it to having another child in the house b/c Gran requires so much attention.
I can't really put into words the entire situation, I probably don't even know it myself (things tend to come out of the woodwork at the oddest hours). Anyway, it's a difficult situation that I think and pray about constantly. I try to think about what will be best for Gran, what she wants (which is for there to be no change at all) and what will put the least amount of stress on each of us. I just can't seem to come up with a happy ending. So, if you have any pieces of advice to offer, or if you have experienced this please let me know.
On to other topics in my life. (It's all about me, all about I, all about #1... Sorry Toby Keith just popped into my head and I thought I'd share that with you!) Today I start back to school. It has been a very nice, relaxing vacation and I feel like hitting everything with gusto. I'm taking Counseling Foundations, Psychopathology (learning the rules of the DSM 4), and Theories of Personality ~ it's going to be an interesting and very challenging semester and I am excited to get to sink my teeth into all of it! This is something I have wanted and longed for since the 6th grade and it is really happening ~ too cool!
Some praise time ~ Brandon's dad, Ron is at St. Thomas today for his third round of chemo. His doctor said that his spleen is back to normal, his blood count is very close to normal, and she even used the word "remission"!!! He has one more chemo treatment in three weeks, they'll retest everything and then start work on his bone marrow / stem cell replacement a few weeks later (they are using his own at first and if that doesn't work then they'll use the bone marrow bank b/c none of his siblings were a match). God has certainly been with us through this and we are incredibly thankful for any prayers. It's really exciting and a huge weight is starting to lift.
Tidings of Joy... and God's hand in our lives! :)
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5 comments:
I start school today as well and approach with anticipation and dread. Summer has been a wonderful break, but in the same manner I am finally ready to get back to classes.
I know the situation with your grandmother is tough, I don't have any real advice other than we are entering those decisions with our grandparents as well. I will be praying for your family as your face these difficult decisions.
Mae,
I work with Senior Programs at our hospital and there is a device called Lifeline. It's the "I've fallen and I can't get up" thing. You and your family sound like you could benefit from this. You can call 800-LIFELINE or visit www.lifelinesys.com. Let me know if I can be of help.
Girlfriend I would love to go to dinner with you and chat about Grandmas and the like. We have much in common! I can tell you from experience that it is hard to see our grandparents get old, from you perspective it has to be more than just hard. My Nana is going to be 94 next month. My other Nana lived with my family from age 88 until her daeth at 91. I have had some serious NANA experience! Good and bad. :) E-mail me if there is anything I can help with!
That's some tough waters you are navigating through. No real advice, except to keep your Anchor in place. Every storm is different; every situation is an opportunity to explore uncharted territory.
I was the family member most on the scene (second only to my grandmother)during my grandfather's final months. My mom (an only child, who also had the care of my brother at that time) helped a lot by spending periods of time relieving when I had to take Granny to the doctor or out-of-town to a funeral. My kids also helped out when they were not away at school.
Our real trouble didn't start until after Epaw died. My grandmother, who at 92 is still quite able-bodied, became highly paranoid and made some pretty abrupt decisions, including disowning my mom, changing her will and going on a letter writing campaign which damaged my mom's reputation and her credibility, not to mention mine, since I knew the accusation were false. We maintained virtual silence throughout, only answering questions about the situation when the subject was brought up. Things are beginning to turn around as people realize that she is not thinking clearly, may have misunderstood a number of things, and has contracticted herself. But God is moving in this situation. I do not know how He will choose to answer. Up until this point, Granny and I had had a beautifully close relationship.
God is in control. He knows what all of us need right now. Waiting for an answer is not always easy, but sometimes waiting is the best thing when you have no clear path.
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